Observation and Acceptance

Hello wonderful, beautiful, loving beings!

As stated before, this blog has the purpose of helping with self-help, self-development, expansion of Being. I will share ideas and experiences, and people can take in whatever they feel like. The main question that will be addressed is simply: How to heal? How can we help ourselves to balm our wounds, let go of stored up emotions, addressing issues, breaking mind-patterns and habits: How do we dissolve our darkness/shadow? And, later on, the other side of the same coin: how do we cultivate the good in us, how can we be more for others, more loving – how can we expand our light? For yes, this is what I believe we are, Light, consciousness. But we also have a shadow – darkness – to work with, to learn from, to dissolve. I believe this is what we are here to do. But how?

(Self-)Observation
We are blessed with, or should I rather simply say, we ARE observing consciousness in nature. There is no physically proven observer within the body-mind-structure, nevertheless we all have the experience that we observers, observing the world around us and even our “own” body-mind-structure. From somewhere we can point this awareness, this consciousness. Now this consciousness is most precious, most valuable, and powerful beyond imagination. Many things can be done with it, in many ways, and its way into this world through our body-mind-structure can be cleansed and improved with meditation and the like.

But let´s start with the simple act of observing, being aware of or giving attention to something. This can be outside or inside, in the physical world, or inside our beings: thoughts, feelings, sensations. Pure awareness (without like or dislike, without filter – I´ll come back to that), is, simply put, very healing. Children show us, honestly and openly, how they crave and fight for this attention, while we as grown-ups tend to make more subtle moves to get the attention – the love (! – will get back to that too) – that we crave. Maybe you know the experience of talking, and then feel that the other person isn’t listening, that he or she isn´t giving you his full attention? Or that you aren´t completely present with other people, and their energy fades? Our consciousness is very life-giving.

Of course attention – consciousness focusing on something – can be with different emotional attachment and with more or less purity / equanimity / balance. But attention is also attention. I heard of this experiment in Japan. Many families were asked to put up two containers for rice. And everyday, every family member had to walk up to one of the containers and express gratitude and happiness. To the other container they were supposed to express dislike, aversion, saying “stupid you” or something like that. Over the course of time, the rice developed in very illustrative ways: the rice that received positive attention became sweet and tasty, and developed a lovely smell. The other rice became bad and started, surprisingly early, to decay. Some families added, and this I find particularly interesting, a third rice container. This container, they simply ignored. This container developed rice of even worse quality than the rice that received negative attention. This to me explains kids and sorrowful existences behaving crazily, stupidly or the like, in front of parents / authorities, awaiting the negative reaction. Negatively tuned attention simply feels better than no attention at all.

So we understand, and we have probably all have the experience that attention – awareness – is healing, it feels good, it improves our mental and emotional state – coming from the outside. But being addicted to – and manipulating, striving hard, acting crazily, dressing beautifully, whatever – to get attention from the outside – can be problematic. As with everything that (comes from the outside and) feels good: Good, experience it, enjoy it, but try not to become attached to it, for you will start running and running to keep getting this addiction, this attachment, satisfied. Everything is impermanent, it´s proven scientifically but also we have all experienced it: everything changes. What we thought we “had”/”owned” forever, we suddenly lose, health, wealth, relationships, and if we are attached to this it becomes a big pain, a big sorrow. This is the case for outside objects of addiction (giving a good feeling inside), including receiving attention from the outside. An example: Our mother will not always be there to give us her loving attention. Therefore, let us try not to be dependent on the outside fulfilling our needs.

Luckily and beautifully, attention is healing also in the case of attention given to ourselves, by ourselves. Letting your attention dwell on your own being, with or without a mirror, alone or with others, is most healing and most helpful, and I believe this to be one of the most important “forgotten” things in this our modern way of life. We have forgotten ourselves, we have lost ourselves in the outside world. We are simply not very aware of ourselves, we forget to use this most healing tool to give to ourselves. But luckily, we have the opportunity to remember.

In relation to the subject of giving and receiving, attention should, in my opinion, also be balanced. The time is over, for people only attending to oneself, in meditation in a cave in the Himalayas. The world is waiting to receive. But the time has also ended, I believe, for the mother who is also a business-woman, losing herself in her responsibilities, and what she is doing for others. The time has come to remember (and take care of) yourself! However you relate to these examples, I encourage you to consider your own balance of giving attention to / observing yourself versus observing others.

How to give attention to ourselves? Apart from just observing ourselves; feelings, thoughts sensations, we can ask, as we ask others: How do you feel? What do you need to share? What can I do for you? Especially how we are feeling is very important. I believe that within our feeling lies the truth of this moment pertaining to ourselves.

Here is a wonderful Krishnamurti-quote:
“All experience has significance when, with it, comes self-knowledge; but without self-knowledge experience is a burden leading to every kind of illusion.”

Remember to give attention to yourself (and your feelings!) (uh giving and receiving at the same time), you are the only one who can be truly aware of yourself, and it is irresponsible to let it be up to the world to give all the attention to you – and it is time for you to heal and be loved. And remember to give attention to the world and your surroundings, it is time for the world to heal and be loved. Attention to both at the same time? Perfect!

Acceptance
So what kind of observation, what kind of attention, what kind of awareness? An accepting awareness! Equanimous, balanced, unbiased, neutral, objective, inclusive, accepting awareness.

Generating joy and love with your awareness is great, but let´s start with the basics:
What is Acceptance? And what is the purpose? What is its opposite?

Accepting something as it is. Without resistance (the opposite of acceptance) and without wishing for it to be different, without craving for something else. But why accept? And as some might think, what if I want to it (or them) be different, what good is accepting then? Because without acceptance you can´t change it or them. It or they can change, but not with your resistance, not with your negative energy and your straining of your own being. Then, on some level, you don´t accept things as they are. What you resist, persists. This saying is true to my very best knowledge. You try to push it away, but like a pendulum it swings right back at you. Everything can, does and will change, definitely, but if you have an experience of something that “keeps being the same” in some, for you, negative way, it is often because you are resisting (or craving) it on some level (conscious or subconscious). Therefore, try to accept it. With acceptance comes freedom. Then you do not tie yourself energetically to the object, you release yourself from it, you set yourself and the object free. “I do not want you and I do not NOT want you”. “You are ok as you are, and I am ok with you being as you are”. Accepting is forgiving, it is letting go, it is freedom. And then change comes! With acceptance, everything is free to change – including yourself: only in accepting yourself and your emotional state you are free to move forward from the point where you are now.

Some might be thinking “but you have to do something!? Just accepting won´t get me anywhere”. Well, of course, sometimes actions are needed. Maybe you want to express your feelings, ask for something, stop something, do something. But before your action, if you have resistance and lack of acceptance, your REaction will be of the same energy as your mental/emotional state, full of resistance, aversion, negativity.

Again: When we are in opposition, defensive, energetically pushing away, we are tying ourselves to the object we are resisting. Maybe most importantly with our feelings: if we are consciously or subconsciously resisting them, they are there to stay. People who know about the Law of Attraction might remember that the universe doesn´t understand negations. When we are having aversion (disliking, inacceptance) towards something it is manifested into our experience as much as when we are craving something. Maybe it doesn´t make sense to you, but it is true to the best of my experience. Therefore, begin always with acceptance. “This is the way it is now. I accept.” And then, if needed, you have the opportunity to act freely.

In reality
An example of all this, observation (of yourself) with acceptance: Woman A and woman B meet in a café. Woman B starts complaining about her relationship. A listens, nods, agrees on some points, but at the same time there is something she dislikes, that she is not accepting. Woman A starts thinking that woman B is full of negativity and that she complains too much. Woman A reacts with comments like “Why don´t you just try to..?” etc., in the subtle defensive. Maybe she defends woman B´s boyfriend in some cases. When woman A gets home she starts complaining to her boyfriend about woman B “oh she´s so negative all the time, why can´t she just see the positive aspects once in a while?”

Nothing new in this situation, nothing surprising, nothing to blame for, we all know something like that, we have all done it some way. But what really happens in this situation? And what can we do about it? Getting in touch with the negativity of woman B, woman A is actually starting to generate negativity herself. B is activating the emotional pain body of A, and they both experience negativity: complaining, dissatisfaction, aversion, resistance, inacceptance. But woman A is not aware of herself, of her own emotional state, she merely notices that the “other” person is full of negativity. She tries her best with her mind, but at a subconscious emotional level she is reacting to the negativity and is multiplying it: having generated negativity towards woman B, and without giving attention to her own emotional state, chattering only in her mind, woman A keeps this negativity and spreads it to her own boyfriend when she comes home.

In a different situation, woman A could have been aware of both woman B and her own negativity. Observing emotions, instead of just reacting with the mind. Realizing that she starts reacting to her friend´s misery and negativity with even more negativity, she stops it the only way it is possible: by quietly, gently, letting her attention dwell on her inner state while she listens, with acceptance. Soon most of her own (and maybe even also some of woman B´s) negativity has been dissolved by the pure light of woman A´s consciousness, and she is able to act freely, and help to get in contact with and handle/accept the emotional state of woman B. “How does that make you feel? I can understand, I can feel that. Why do you think you feel that? Deeper understanding, deeper acceptance.
(This thing about emotions/feelings I´ll get back to in the next blog).

The technique of switching your state of mind from the distracted, confused, incapable states of craving and aversion to acceptance is a great process of learning in itself. Try whatever. What to do, for example, when you find yourself having tons of aversion towards an experience? Your state of mind is completely distorted, you can´t just “accept” it straight away. Then, sometimes or always, try to accept your lack of acceptance. Try to observe your craving or your aversion towards inner states aswell – your own inacceptance – and accept it. And then move on to accepting the outer or other object of your attention. Always try to take a step back, and observe whatever manifests itself. First and foremost your inner (emotional) state).

Accepting things as they are, here and now. Not craving something else, just accepting everything, as it is. This state of mind is also known as equanimity, balance of the mind. We are not resisting / having “aversion” towards that which we are experiencing, neither are we craving for the experience to be different. In this we find peace of mind and freedom of action.

you are letting it all go,
you let life take it´s turn,
opening to it´s flow,
the negativities will burn,
and you are free to be,
inner acceptance is the key

With Love and Light,
Simon